if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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