At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Found your dick twin last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
