My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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