Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
