im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
