The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
