I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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