so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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