FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
