I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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