My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
