i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
