Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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