Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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