if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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