I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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