My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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