youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
