we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
