Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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