i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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