I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
