booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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