we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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