So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
