If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
