My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
