Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
