you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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