The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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