There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
