He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
