Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
