The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
