with your own penis?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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