so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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