9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
