will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
