whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
