I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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