Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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