There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
