saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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