when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.