I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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