You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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