So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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