ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
