Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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