at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
