Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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