The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
