I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
