Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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