I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
