I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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