At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
