I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
