So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
