Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
