So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
