also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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