So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
