Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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