I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
