bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
