its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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