im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
