I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
