Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
