I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
