Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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