We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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