the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
