I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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