i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
