highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
PANTIES FOUND
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