She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who died my cat blue again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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