i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
