She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
pray to the hookup gods
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we should paint friendship bongs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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